My Story

   Charis Rachelle Young was born Monday, October 7th at 7:11am. She weighed 5lbs and measured 19in long. I approach this story with awe, wonder, thankfulness, and a fulfilled heart. I share my story because I had previously shared my desires. I also share my story in hopes that it can encourage. As women, we all have choices. We don't all desire VBACs or drug free births but if by chance there is a woman out there that does, I hope that my story can inspire her. I will say again that my God is good. Period. He was extremely merciful and answered all our requests. Had he chosen not to do so, He would still be sovereign, loving, and good. I also share to remember; my last birth and my favorite birth.

We had sensed last week that the birth was very close. I thought I was going to have her at least 6 times before I really did. On Saturday night my contractions were 10 minutes apart for hours. I thought we will eat, watch the OU game, and go to the hospital. We decide instead to attempt sleep, which was a good call. We had a 100 mile drive to the hospital so it was hard to decide when to go. I slept most of the night but was awakened at 5am with regular contractions. We had cleaned the house the night before and everything was in order. We had a quick breakfast on paper plates thinking it would be our last meal. Then of course things seemed to subside. I decided it wasn't time after all and we could proceed to church.

I am glad we went to church. Fellowship is invaluable and hearing the Word is so necessary. My contractions subsided until the end of the service. They were certainly uncomfortable and made me grimace. After church one of my friends asked if I was having contractions. I was very embarrassed. We sit on the very back row and I didn't think anyone had seen me, but someone had. 

We proceeded to El Sombrero for lunch, in order to keep the kitchen clean, and my contractions continued through lunch and I wondered AGAIN if it was time. I decided to lay down at home and they of course they slowed.  It was really frustrating because we really didn't know what to do. With the first two boys I showed up to the hospital at 8cam and 10cm. We couldn't do that this time! Not only did I need to labor in the hospital for the VBAC, but we had that long drive.

I decided to call the hospital in Bismarck and they said to go into Dickinson and get checked. Friday I was at 1cm so we would know if something had changed. I was hesitant to go into Dickinson because I was told I could not VBAC there and didn't want to be stuck there, especially considering was I still short of 36 weeks and she would most likely be transferred to the NICU in Bismarck. But I called anyway and low and behold my one OB nurse friend answered. A huge relief ofpeace came  over me. She had also talked around for me and said they will work with me on the vbac if I were to get stuck here. It was a huge sign from The Lord for me. I am so glad she was working!

So I went in around 3pm and was dilated to a ...loose 2 or maybe 3 she said. Alas! I wasn't crazy and it was time. She said to go to Bismarck immediately. We grabbed our bags, our friend came over to babysit and we left. Of course on the drive the contractions subsided. I was really frustrated. We opted to have dinner at Cracker Barrel because I also knew I couldn't eat once I arrived at the hospital. 

We arrived at the hospital in Bismarck about 7pm. They agree to "monitor" me as we don't yet know if I am in labor. I am still a 2-3 and we began walking the halls. At this point I am just embarrassed. I did it again, psyched myself out. This time however I went to the extreme to text all my friends. I was like, this is going to be awesome when in 2 days I am still pregnant and here I told everyone I was having a baby. At 9pm I was contracting only about every 10 minutes and was at 4cm. I was feeling deflated and confused. They said I could stay the night and they would continue to monitor me. Brian went to get some playing cards for entertainment and I got my IV, on the 4th try mind you. At least they hep locked it per my birth plan. Things were fine physically at this point. It was very much the beginning. We decided to try to sleep instead of playing cards. I was terrified everything would stop, but laid down anyways. 

They couldn't monitor my contractions very well with me laying down so after an hour or so of sleep we got up. Brian began to read about the Bradley Method and we began working through the contractions. They were about every 5-7 minutes apart, but no one knew yet if I was really in labor. They checked me again at 2:30am and I had only progressed to a 5. I wanted to scream! Things were going very slowly. They officially called the doctor and surgery team in since I was a vbac. Everyone has to be alert because my uterus could explode at anytime. The on call doctor offered to break my water to speed things up but I was very against intervention. Our nurse told him no and it was fine. They never pushed me against my plan.

Basically we worked through each contraction one by one. Brian telling me to breath and relax EVERY single time. We would sleep some and contract, sleep some and contract. I had remembered that I slept my way to transition with Beau and I should try to conserve all my energy at this point. I think I let Brian sleep through maybe 6 contractions and that was about all I could do on my own. 

By 5am or so I said we had to get up. No more sleeping. I found great comfort through the relaxation techniques and squatting. The ball and bed were no relief to me. We wondered how long this could go on. The mood was very....somber. It was quiet, we didn't say much. I wasn't screaming or sweating or anything. We just labored in peace. Our nurse was very young and I am sure she thought we were crazy. We had given her our birth plan and she was very good to keep to it. She never offered drugs or vaccines, she just monitored. Oh I take that back. She offered Ambien which just cracked me up.

Brian had finished the coaching book and basically become a master coach all within one night. I think we both hoped that maybe by lunch time she would be out. When I would listen to Brian and relax my body the contractions were fine, they would almost vanish. I thought, my labor is stopping. He would say no these are real! The Bradley method works people. Now on the contractions that I was unable to relax.....they were freaking awful. I wanted to crawl out of my skin and die. I thought of all the women who delivered via twilight sleep from 1938 to the late 1960s. They were tied to their beds, given hallucinogenics, and left alone to labor. All alone. Their husbands were forced to remain in the waiting room. They basically labored like monsters. Then when they awake their babies have been born and they have amnesia.  I'm not making this up. Man that must have been soooo awful. I mean awful. If Brian hadn't coached me through relaxing there is no way I would have went drug free, but it did work. It worked so well.

By 6:30 Brian decided transition had begun. My pain increased and was near constant. I had thrown up many times and could hardly move. He requested I be checked again. Voila I was at 9cm! The nurse said my doctor would be in soon to break my water and she would come right out. My doctor had a scheduled cesarean for 7:15am and she was in my room almost immediately. It was a lot of effort to get off the floor where I had been laboring and get into the bed so my doctor could check me. At this point I was completely relying on Brian. I had been shaking for a while and it was very hard to keep it together. Moving that 3feet to the bed seemed like an impossible feat. If the doctor hadnt been waiting on me I would have just protested and stayed on the floor. It was probably 7:00 at this point. She checked me and I was 10cm and the baby was right there. Thank The Lord. We allowed her to break my water even though it was technically intervention. I felt immediate relief, temporary but immediate. The new day nurse came in and said okay you know how to push, let's do this!

I was like woah, I just got in bed. I need to focus. The only people in the room were the nurse, the doctor, and Brian. Where's all the hoopla? You want me to push? The nurse was yelling at me "push, push like you are pooping, hold your legs back, tuck your chin and PUSH!!!!" 

I was not happy, I was in pain and I felt rushed!

 I can't hold my legs lady, I am in pain.

 I pushed twice...good good they said. I had another contraction and they said push again.

 Hold your legs back, chin down and PUSH!

I can't hold my legs!

Dad get her leg!

I was so mad. I pushed with everything I had and she just came right out. Woah, not expecting that! Super fast!

Do you want to hold her? Put her on her belly.

Noooooo! I will drop her. I was in so much pain still. So much pain.

From here on I was just shocked. I vbac'd! I did it, we did it. My uterus didn't explode! I am alive!I am NOT having a c-section! Oh I was so relieved. Charis was screaming. I thought, yes she is alive! And she can scream! Which means she can breath! She can breath! Yes! The nurses said she looked great and I could hold her. No, no I can't. I do not have it together! Once the placenta was out I felt better but continued to shake for quite a while. By 7:20 my doctor was out the door for her cesarean. I thanked her for allowing me to vbac. It was huge. I couldn't believe it worked. 

I think Brian was in shock too. Those last moments were very quick and overwhelming. He was also concerned because little Charis had sooo much black hair!

I eventually agreed to hold her. My daughter. Its a very raw picture but I will share it anyhow.

I am still in shock. Because I wasn't under any sort of drugs the delivery process was not what I imagined. It wasn't the beautiful emotional climax I had imagined in my mind so many times before. I thought  you push out your baby and tears of joy erupt, but not this time. It was rough. Rough and painful long after she was out. By 10am I was feeling a little better and the next day I felt amazing. Charis latched right on at 8:00am and has been a rockstar nurser ever since.

I could NOT have done this with out Brian. He changed this birth. He coached this birth. He ran the show believed in me when I said "I can't I can't". I feel like his role was just as important as mine. This was the first "labor" he had attended. I labored while he was either working or sleeping the other times. It was much longer than we expected but I am so glad we did this one together. We have really grown up since February 6th, 2008.  Brian made all the difference here. We are now huge advocates for "the Bradley Method, Husband Coached Childbirth". Brian is also for hire, jk.

We thank God that He answered every detail. Every detail! She came home 50 hours later, is perfectly healthy, and I did NOT get cut open. This morning I said to Brian, "guess what? We have a 4 day old baby and I just took a shower and got dressed by myself at HOME. I cannot believe that."

Thank you for praying with us. It made all the difference and I appreciate it more than you will ever know. I truly believe prayer changes things and I really rested knowing I was covered in prayer.

The Waiting Place

  Well we have arrived at 35 weeks. I honestly can't believe it. I also declare it a true miracle. We are soooo thankful that The Lord has allowed this baby to stay in thus far. We began the pregnancy with many opportunities for fear and none of them have come to fruition. We are so thankful.

I have been setting mini goals of how long to stay pregnant. It began with jog-a-thon, then Brian's birthday, then the next Saturday, and finally OCTOBER! I never expected to make it here but I am glad we did. 

Brian is amazing. I think he had a great birthday and I was so happy to celebrate him. He took off the afternoon from work and went hunting with Baker. I think it's always been something he wanted to do and only now has he had enough vacation left to do so. 

Now we are in "what I fear is the most useless place, the waiting place". My body has shown me many signs that lead us to believe we are down to days, no longer weeks. Every night we go to bed wondering if I will sleep or be awakened by contractions. But every night I sleep and wake up in the morning still pregnant. This is a good thing, but it's been much harder than I anticipated. We have never waited on a child. They ALL 3 surprised us, earlier than we expected. I now know what many other women experience. I have only been to the 3rd trimester once....I won't say it's my favorite place, but it sure beats the NICU.

When I have the energy I try to distract myself. Yesterday we received a box full of pink goodies from Nan and I decided the nursery needed some changes.

So I added onto the curtains. I have been deliberating for a while on what to add to them and I found this fabric at home and voila, I think it works.

I also changed the bed skirt. It changes the look from shabby chic to more modern, but it's a great fabric.

Also we now have two heirlooms in the nursery. You have seen the blanket from my great grandmother and now we have one from Brian's grandmother. She made it in 1984 for Brian who obviously turned out to be a boy. He never had a sister and Nan has saved it all these 29 years. I am honored that she entrusted it to our daughter. 

It is very girly and dainty. It also looks like it could have been made yesterday. It is in great shape.

So aside from adding a maternity picture on the wall, the room is really finished. No more!

Please pray for us. We need perseverance and grace when labor comes. I have talked a big talk and I don't want all that fear to come back when labor hits. We also have a 100mile drive to the hospital. I always thought the ambulance would take me but... we are about out of time for that. I do believe this will go quickly. I also ask that you pray if The Lord is against the vbac that she will present breech. I have been praying this for a long time, we certainly know the odds are in the breech favor. 

Also, her name isn't a B. Woah! I can't wait to tell people. It will be the most meaningful name yet and it suits her so well. I am excited!

Jog-a-thon

Warning: this is one of those "for the grandparents" blog. Probably certain to bore any reader that doesn't share our blood. 

  So Baker had his first big school event/fundraiser this weekend. It was so much fun! It's called jog-a-thon and basically the kids ask for pledges and then run for an hour. We spent a lot of time knocking on our neighbors doors. He had a little speech, "hi, my name is Baker. Will you help me raise money for my school?" It was so cute. He was very brave and we were really proud of him. Turns out our neighbors are incredibly generous. I was astonished. My brother and I were always selling something as kids and I could see that he would have fit right in with us. 

Leading up to jog-a-thon Saturday they had spirit week and I must share the pictures.

First was Duck Dynasty day. We love the Robertsons at our house. 

And yes, that is marker on his face. Parents of the year right here, lol

Tuesday was animal day.

Then 80's day. This was hard for a boy. We went for the Jake from "16 Candles" look. 

He was quite the hunk. Last was favorite movie character day. He has never seen "The Dark Knight" but he has seen Batman cartoons so we went with it.

Then Saturday arrived. We were all excited.  I love running events, always have. I think I probably enjoy them most from the sidelines. I was a bit emotional that day... Like overly proud of my kid.  I don't know, I'm pregnant. 

We have friends in OKC whose son can't run and they started a club called Miles for Maddox. When you run you wear the shirt and think/ pray for him. This probably added to my emotion bc Brian pulled put his shirt, as he always does for races and Baker ran to grab his too. I am married to an amazing man and he is a great role model.

Baker worked so hard running/walking for an hour. He ended up completing 16.25 laps which is 4 miles! That is amazing. It helped that Daddy was there to provide encouragement. He also raised $414.00. Woah, I was shocked!

We have so many traditions here in North Dakota and we will be excited if this is the beginning of a new one. 

What you've been waiting for!

  Well here is the nursery, as finished as it will be for now. I would like to add some detail to the bottom of the curtains and make a new bed skirt but other than that she is finished. 

This is the "other" view that I hadn't yet....revealed, lol. This dresser used to hold the basement flat screen Brian won at a golf tournament. The rocker was given to me my by our neighbors. I did my best to recover it. It's one of the many "don't look too close" projects. 

Before and after

You can also see the diaper bag that I spent more money than usual on. We will see if it was worth it. It was an eBay splurge but ITS PINK and I am excited to carry it. 

Here we have a lamp, which was also a Hobby Lobby splurge and the one piece of art we purchased from Whitefish, Montana. I tend to go a bit overboard with wreaths and she just had to have one. This will also be a changing table, but I keep forgetting to buy a changing pad. 

Then I made this bow hanger thing. I didn't have a place to store them all and although this probably isn't the best solution, it works and was very cheap. 

I also made a cork board for special notes... Not sure I am digging it but we will see. 

So there it is. I know you have been checking the blog constantly in anticipation of my mad design skills. To quote Brian, " I don't know what a girl's nursery is suppose to look like, but it looks good to me." I don't know either, but we are rolling with it. 

Never Stop Improving

  Have you seen the Lowe's commercials? "Never stop improving". They are pretty funny usually, but I find the slogan annoying.  This past month we have spent soooo much time improving and I am ready to be finished! We haven't worked on our house in at least a year and with an impending birth we had some changes to make. We also spruced up the outside a bit. So here are our changes. Its fun to look back and remember spaces so I wanted to take the time to document these days.

Outside we extended and stained the deck.  By we I mean Brian and Baker. He wants to be a construction man when he grows up.

For whatever reason we made our deck short of the fence years ago and it was time to fix it.

This is the largest carrot I've ever grown. I'm just throwing it in so you can see deck stained.

We also painted the outside  doors red. That was a much larger task than we planned on.

Inside we finally moved Benny upstairs. 

To a big boy bed!

We also finally purchased an armoir for the boys to share. It was made in 1969, which to me says it will last longer than most things made in 2006. I love consignment shopping!

I realize no one will be "pinning" these photos, lol, but it's fun to see. 

It took major organizing to fit the boys into one room and two closets with all their toys. Don't be fooled, this is not the before picture. It's the after. I am not a decorator or perfectionist so getting it done is usually good for me. 

Last but certainly not least, I finished one corner of the nursery. This has been so much fun! I had many items from when I "knew" Benny was a girl so it's been easy and super cheap. Anything we bought was on clearance and everything else was DIY.

I made the bed quilt and the one on the left hanging up. The other was made by my great great grandmother. I love it. The roses are from Brian to me on our 7th anniversary while I was prego with her. Then I have baby pics of Brian and I from Baker's baby shower, an empty frame, and a sonogram frame. 

I'm sure you can tell that I made the mobile. It's a work in progress as it won't hang straight right now. I also got the quilting hoops at our local thrift store for like $5 all together and just used scrap fabric from her blankets. I was pleasantly surprised at how it turned out.

I am not interested in breaking the bank to decorate my home, especially seeing as its technically the bank's home anyway! I do however want it to be warm, inviting, comfortable, PEACEFUL, clean,  and reflect the beauty of The Lord. We love opening our home and I want it to be a safe place for our family and friends. Life takes maintanence and its not always fun, but it needs to be done. We have a couple of other projects to finish up and then I plan on taking a major break from improving!

One last time

  I thought it was about time I did a pregnancy update for my friends that haven't heard anything about it lately. I know you all probably dont care what my belly looks like but my mama does and I think Brian's mama does too. So while the pictures may seem silly, someone is enjoying them, lol.

Yesterday I turned the corner and hit 30 weeks!!!! I can't tell you what a relief it is to make it to this point. With Benton my fears weren't so much that I would go at 32 weeks again, rather that I would go before 32 weeks. I know I am not there yet but things are looking soooo great. 

I have really been trying to embrace these last weeks of pregnancy. The human body truly is miraculous and it is nothing short of amazing to have a life grow in you. I know this may soud crazy, but I am sooo glad I am a female. God designed my body to make babies, deliver them (or have them cut out), and then have the extra privilege of nursing them. I take great joy in this job and realize this is an honor and a privelege. Brian isn't at all sad that he misses out on these physical jobs which just reminds me that God made us seperate.

I have been doing a lot of reading about birth in general. While pregnant with Baker I spent my time learning how to care for an infant and such. I just survived my pregnancy with Beau and with Benton I just daydreamed about a girl. So, after 3 births I am now reading up on it! I just finished "Birth Matters" by Ina 'May Gaskin and am currently on "Husband Coached Childbirth" by Dr. Bradley. I also read a lot about VBACs.  Here is what I have learned, for the first time, on my 4th child, lol.

#1. My body was made to do this. Women have only been delivering in hospitals since the 1940s. However did all those other generations do it? It's part of God's design. I am thankful for hospitals since I obviously use them, but I think my generation has been taught to fear birth.

#2. Birth is natural so don't fear it.  Since I was a little girl I can remember fearing the birth process. I didn't complain once about being cut open to get Baker out because I was truly scared to give birth. Surgery was much easier in my mind. Even when they told me I could push Beau out I was terrified. I am sure television has something to do with this, but I am choosing not to be afraid any more. 

24 weeks

#3. Birth is empowering. I say this in a non-feminist way because true feminists do NOT reproduce and would never stoop so low to give birth. The real question though is why not? They are trying to achieve equality with men but missing out on the most empowering event for women- a natural childbirth. I have slowly learned throughout motherhood that I am capable of more than I thought I was. My mom really encourages this. So I stretch myself and The Lord provides. I am going to try it again.

27 weeks

#4. I am attempting to VBAC. I have done so much research and found out that my chances of uterine rupture are very small. Within those ruptures the danger is to the baby, not me, and the percentage is teeny tiny. The rule is usually once a cesarean, always a cesarean but that is changing. I have delivered both ways and know for certain that one is much more preferable on every level! 

On our 7th Anniversary, 28 weeks.

#5. I am really hoping for a redemptive story here. With Benton I had three prayer requested that were not answered. We praised The Lord for his health but he was breech, I got cut open, and he was early. I have a small part of me that hopes  those three will be answered in this pregnancy. Not to mention the gender, lol. 

It should be noted that I will gratefully take what I can get here. I will take a girl anyway I can get her. If that means 32 weeks or 39 weeks. I will take her cut out or pushed out. I will take her home 2 days after birth or 24 days after birth. I am not going to complain but I am going to hope.

So here is what I am hoping and praying for. 

A successful VBAC. I can't tell you how important this is to me. I don't want thirty minutes of being strapped to a table while they pry me open, dig her out, take her away, and put me back together. I also don't want the next hours or weeks of recovery after that. Not fun. 

I want a drug free birth. Yes, I am typing this so you can ask me afterwards. Brian is under strict instructions to make sure this doesn't happen. I have been at 10cm before and it was awful and they gave me the epidural bc I was so......lacking control of my body. I have methods this time and this is my last chance. I have sooo many friends who have done it and I want to be empowered too, for me. Don't get me wrong and think I am seeing this as a competition with other women because its not. I do however have a huge respect for women who went through childbirth naturally and I want that for myself. They encourage me and I will be very upset with myself if I can't even have 1/4 drug free births, lol. I mean, you only have so many kids. It's not like cooking dinner where you get to do it everyday. 

I would also really like to make it to October. 

29 weeks and our new red door.

Health wise things seem to be looking great. My blood is cooperating with the baby and not attacking her, thank you Lord. I have been on progesterone since 18 weeks to keep my uterus calm. Each week my friend/neighbor/chiropractor adjusts me to remove the strain my sacral ligaments (?) are putting on my uterus that causes breech and preterm babies. I am also receiving accupuncture every two weeks to pull my energy up. Along with prayer, I am hoping something keeps her in.

This today at 30 weeks. Thanks Bake!

We are at a critical point here at 30 weeks.  With each of my preemies I bled for 10-13 days before they came out, which would be this week. Right now my cervix is closed, I am not having contractions, and I am not bleeding. I am so thankful. No matter what happens though, my God is good. He doesn't promise me a healthy full term baby or a vbac. His feelings to me aren't expressed through my cirucmstances and mine shouldn't be either. I do hope you will continue to pray for these things. I feel so great right now. I am enjoying life before our family changes. In the meantime we have been enjoying a lot of bike rides, our favorite pastime. I finally stopped to capture this.

I ride alone. Brian is pretty amazing! He has legs of steel, lol.