Parenthood

Parenthood.... Oh parenthood. We've been cohorts for so long now! Parentood is so many things.... Fun, exciting, painful, trying, exhausting, joyful, terrible, and wonderful.  I think parenthood can run the scope of bringing out our deepest emotions.

Brian and I have been through so many parenthood stages together in the last 5 years. It began at Baker's birth with the stage I like to call, "what am I doing and where is my mom?????". The main goal here was to keep the baby alive. So far, so good! There are so many new emotions flying around in a post pregnancy body, so little sleep, so much love, and so many questions. Often when I see women about to give birth to their first babies I give out a little sigh, thinking, I am so glad it's not me. Although new life truly is a gift from God, for me, being a first time mom wasn't a cake walk and like the dating stage in life, I don't really ever care to go back there!

 Soon the fears subsided, though confidence was still lacking and we entered the "you aren't doing what the book said you would do" stage.  The goal here was sleep training, aka get him to fall asleep on his own and sleep through the night. We missed the mark a little because it is hard to have confidence in your parenting plans sometimes.

 Up to this point we had toted our child around more like an accessory, making him fit into OUR social schedule, which was not lacking for events. Soon the sad realization came that we must submit to the baby's schedule and in turn we would be blessed because of it. This was the beginning of tangible "sacrifices"we would make for our children.

Soon the fun times came when infancy ends, you are getting sleep, and you have a real baby. Baker had our complete adoration and I would call this extended stage "you hung the moon". We still think they all hung the moon, but there is just something different about an innocent baby who adores you and needs you. Something about seeing those chubby faces light up at the sight of you. I rarely get this kind of gratification from my 4 year old, lol.

Brian and I can easily recognize this stage in other parents. The longer it takes for baby #2 to arrive, the longer this stage can last.

Sometime shortly after this, I magically became pregnant with Beau, lol. From here things get a bit blurry. Side note : I sure hope my committed readers recognize the infamous grey shirt I am sporting here. I am sure you can catch me in it tomorrow.

I think I would call the stage after Beau's birth "stepping up". So what if I had a 15 month old and a preemie at home by myself?  I had to man up and take care of them. There was no other choice. They were our responsibility and from what I remember things were fine, in large part of God's grace to give Beau such an easy going personality. We survived and even thrived in this stage. Oh how different life looked in that small house in the semi-ghetto of Tulsa......

Next we can fast forward to the North Dakota stage. This involved a lot of growing up on Brian and my's part. There was no Sunday night babysitter, no one to call when we were hungry. No family near by and for the first couple of months, no friends.  All we had was each other. Although it was hard, we needed to grow up a little bit and we did.

Next would be the "homemaking" stage or you might call it the "how to balance" stage. For the most part in Tulsa, I was terrible at being a homemaker....meaning keeping up with laundry, cooking, cleaning, things like that.  I don't know if it was my empty schedule or what, but I was really able to build in this area after the move. Brian is very appreciative for the change and it has been long enough now that when things start to fray or get too much out of order in the house I start to get really edgy. I can't emphasize how non-normal this was for me. My college roomates wouldnt believe the person I am now! Anyhow, I love homemaking and I learned how to balance two boys and a home and ENJOY the process. I find lots of delight in making my house a home and embracing the role God gave me, even if it isn't what I pictured when I was 13.

Another stage I also have compassion for other  moms in, is the two year old stage. Perhaps some breeze by it an un-noticeable way, but for my first round it was ROUGH. I call it the "constant training" stage. As a parent it's your job to teach your kid how to:

Obey the first time

Potty in the toilet

If you do potty on the floor, Don't play in it 

Walk through Wal Mart

Sit at the dinner table

Sit through a meal at a restaurant without tapping people's heads on the other side of the booth

Walk beside you in public

Speak to adults

Learn to accept no as an answer without having a major breakdown

Sleep in a big boy bed

Learn to sleep without a passy for crying out loud!

And on and on the list goes. I think this is  such a critical stage and such a HARD stage. Some maybe tempted to skip over it, but I think if you do, it will bite you in the butt later on!

Fast forward a couple years, confidence learned over time, and another baby. What is the goal now? How to stop hitting your brother? Overnight potty training? Fixing my 3 year old's speech issues? Surviving a life with three boys? Most of the time they are clean and I keep them fed, what else could there be?

Up until a couple weeks ago I would say that parenting three has been pretty undramatic. I was surprised at how quickly we were able to adjust to our new normal and how seamlessly Benny has fit in our family. Although I cant remember, it must have seemed lonely without him. As long as we keep to our schedule, no one gets sick, and  we all get sleep at night things are quite manageable. However, a couple of weeks ago we started a class at church called "Revolutionary Parenting" and what I have to say now is Parenting SUCKS! There was this whole second level to paretning that I was apparently ignoring and I just found out that it may be the hardest stage yet! Lord help me!

I have been pondering a paradigm shift that perhaps my main ministry in life is my children. Not my friends or other moms or the Dave Ramsey class but my kids. I was quite upset about is for a while because as one friend stated, "there's no glory there. If you  do or don't do your job with them, who will know but you and your  kids?". For me it was a hard pill to swallow since  I guess I like glory? Or I am still an incredibly selfish person? But as my wonderful better half said, "who would you rather see in heaven?"  That stung just a little. So what if when Jesus said "Go make disciples" for me he meant my boys? If indeed, Baker, Beau, and Benton are to be my Peter, James, and John then I have some major stepping up to do!

So we enter this new stage of really buckling down and teaching our children the Word which is living and active. Helping them to crave it and obey it. Then shaping character within them, not just going through the motions. Currently this sounds like an overwhelming impossible task, but I am not the first one to walk this road. I have realized this doesn't mean I can't minister to other people, rather that my family comes first! And if I do my job during the day with them, then there is plenty of time for others, but I must sacrifice my desires.AGAIN

Isn't that the whole crux of Christianity? "Anyone who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple" Luke 14:33. That is heavy and so hard, at least if you have an incredibly selfish bend like me.

Needless to say, I love our lives right now. It is such a fun time. We are constantly filled with joy.... And anger. There are so many sweet times and so many hard times, but thats life right? We will figure it out even though we are sinners. My boys will continue to sin even though I keep expecting them not to. The sink will be full of dishes most days. My hair will be in a pony tail more often than not and I may never, ever be able to quit drinking Dr. Pepper. Its not all peaches and cream, and roses and sunshine. Sometimes its snow and snot and all things in between. But these are the good days and we are going to get through and hope we are doing right.