Sometimes I can't believe the journey the Lord has taken us on. I can't believe Brian and I have lived under 7 roofs in 9 years. I can't believe the amount of great people we have had the privilege of doing life with. We have it so good. Yet, our hearts still manage to ache and it freakin sucks. Just to be honest. The other 5 days of the week are great, but man....boo for Wednesday night and Thursday.
Last night we tried a new small group and it was actually fantastic! The people were real and desired to follow the Lord with their lives. I loved it and so did Brian.... but it was 30 minutes away. No lie.
I was raised in a small town and after leaving for college I didn't return to the small town life until Dickinson. I had always loved the slow pace and familiar faces and living in Dickinson just sealed the deal for me that I am still a small town girl. I love to shop and all but once or twice a month is good for me.
So, when we were deciding on a house in Texas we were in a major dilemma because the office was in Seguin, a town of 27,000 but it appeared that there was a much better town only 15 minutes away- New Braunfels 67,000. It is like the vacation destination of Texas b/c it has "the river" that you can float and of course Schlitterbahn. They also have great restaurants, movie theaters, Ross, TJ Maxx, Target, Hobby Lobby and anything else you could want.
My dad told me to get a good realtor who KNEW THE AREA. We did. I love our realtor, he was great. But we didn't listen to him. I can clearly remember him saying "I think you are going to want to be in NB". No I said, I want the small town life and I don't want Brian to have a big commute to work bc you can't get time back. So, we looked at houses of all price ranges in NB and Seguin. There was only 1 house we liked and it was outside of Seguin by Lake McQueeney. I was done after I saw that house. We were already stressed about finding what we wanted and it seemed we had found it- 1 acre, 4 beds, school room, and a pool! It was even under budget, but it needed some def work.
So, we bought it. At the time we didn't know the area or even how to get around town. We didn't know where we would go to church or to get groceries. Turns out we are 20 minutes from any church we have liked and a minimum of 17 minutes from the grocery store. We only have 2 neighbors bc are like in the country. Turns out Seguin is just kind of rough and.... our kids are probably not going to participate in sports here. Its just a different crowd. I don't know how to say it without sounding like a terrible person but I just don't think its where we want to be.
Anyways, we miss people. We miss our people so bad! I wish I could line a street and fill the houses with all my friends and then we all stay forever. Of course we would need to throw some unbelievers in the mix too and some old people that my kids don't piss off. I was ready to escape the cold. I think that was apparent to anyone who could really see into my eyes, but man.... I wasn't prepared to leave my friends. I was also so ready to be closer to my family. I missed my sister's college graduation bc we just lived to far and I still hate that. I missed weddings that I still regret. I am so glad to be out of the cold and closer to family, but that doesn't heal our empty weekends and our family certainly can't do a drive by.
So basically we feel like idiots. We didn't listen to our realtor and now we drive to New Braunfels 6 days a week. No lie. On Sunday, we drove there twice. We don't have the small town life we were looking for, instead we are like major commuters. All this to say, I finally got a house that I love, and not just because it is mine, but a house I love because it is big and beautiful. I love all the space and if I still hosted dinners we would have so much more room. Its great, but its also expensive. Our July electric bill was $350. OUCH. That is a lot of money! That is a huge opportunity cost! Again, if you know my heart of hearts, I so want to be mortgage free and our margin is so slim right now it doesn't appear that is going to happen anytime soon. It hurts to pay that much for lights and refrigeration and a/c. We miss the freedom we had in our ND budget and we have to ask is it worth it???????? We made a huge jump up in house and maybe there is a happy medium- in size and price. Our pool is a money pit, which my dad also said it would be. We love it, but there are tons of neighborhoods with pools that someone else takes care of.
We don't use our acre bc... I don't know why, we are always driving or maybe b/c its covered with fire ants (which really hurt by the way). Its kinda of like we didn't actually know what we liked and now maybe we know we don't need this much, even though I really do love it. Its just a lot of work.
This is our school room. It is my favorite room in the house. I love it! It is so much better than doing school at the kitchen table.
This is the before:
Anyways, pray for us! We have met a lot of great people who love the Lord, but no one KNOWS us, you know? No one can actually even remember Brian's name, seriously. Its awful. I hate not being known and I feel like part of all of this is the Lord stripping me of my identity. Generally speaking, people usually like me and I am thrown into a new world where people don't know me, so how can they decide if they like me, right? We have been stripped of many comforts (1st world comforts) like our church, friends, financial margin but a huge one is just the luxury of being known. No one here knows my thoughts on T Swift or the Beib or Dave Ramsey for crying out loud. Its not their fault, it just seems to take a long time to develop relationships. You can't just meet someone and be like "ok- here is what is important to me. I am sure you already guessed Jesus bc we are at church, but you should also know I like fashion and 'Psyche' and the ocean and freedom and America and big parties and cooking and I am little too opinionated, but I am working on it. I love DP and root beer and I can't eat gluten or rather I shouldn't. I love reading and riding bikes and I LOVE PEOPLE, so PLEASE BE MY FRIEND!" lol. One girl actually hinted that I sorta sounded desperate so I am trying to play it cool, but I suck at it.
I already feel better just from sharing all this with you, my semi-annual readers. We will get there. People will remember Brian's name and eventually we will choose and church and we will start to see people in a regular manner instead of sporadically. Part of this is embracing the gifts God gave me and continuing on in life. So, tomorrow a stranger is coming over, another fellow H&P wife that also just moved here. I can do that. I can reach out, even when I need reached out to. I also organized a play date on Friday. My first attempt failed and I cried when no one came, but I gave people like 4 days warning and I hopeful that they will come.
We miss everyone in North Dakota and love you all! You are the Best so please move to Texas, where it is warm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Awww...this makes me miss you SO much more!! You can do, I know you can. BIG hugs!!
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