Well it seems that summer is already fading into fall. Yesterday as I peered out my kitchen window I couldn't help but notice that the leaves on my neighbor's tree have begun to turn from green to yellow. Although fall is my favorite season, I felt a small crack in my spirit since it is still mid August. We long for summer here after harsh winters and exactly zero spring. The sun has already begun to set earlier each day which reminds me that our days of riding bikes and playing in the backyard til 9:00 pm are long gone and the days of school routines and earlier bedtimes have returned.
We have tried our hardest to indulge ourselves in summer and have chosen the motto "live it up". Although we stuck to our motto between sickness and rain, we still feel cheated. It can't possibly be ending or even close to over. We enjoyed two trips to South Dakota and an actual tent camping weekend. We boated with friends, rode our bikes all over town, and have smoked A TON of meat. Still, it seems too short. The sad tree in our front yard LITERALLY didn't get leaves until June 1st this year. That is not an exaggeration. It can't be possible that now some of the trees are already turning.
It has been a hard few weeks here. We had an incident this week where Brian had to go to the ER (he is completely fine praise the Lord) but I might have had a mini panic attack. As with any emergency, I immediately called my mom, but quickly realized she could do nothing. The verse from Proverbs 27:10 "Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away" has taken on a new meaning. Its nothing new, except that I am usually the one in the hospital... and I think I would rather be on that side, lol. It was a new realization to me though of how dependent we are on other people, people who don't share our blood, but people who share our hearts.
Part of living in an oilfield town means you see lots of people come and go. We have seen and will continue to see good friends move away. Some by choice, some by their employer's choice, and some for school. It is the way it has always been here, but it doesn't get easier. I made a facebook post saying something like "The weather may suck here, but the people are AMAZING, absolutely amazing. I couldn't do it without them". It is so true.... we have amazing friends. Friends who have to fill in the gap for our family because we live so far away. Friends who love us and who we love and whose company we really enjoy. Friends who spur us on towards love and good deeds. Friends who take care of us when we are sick and bring us food we are down. When these friends aka our "replacement family" or "the friends you gather with for holidays" leave.... it sucks. It sucks bad and in turn makes you miss your family even more.
We are very happy here and life is amazing but I have been longing to be near family again. I don't know if its having 4 kids and feeling more overwhelmed. I don't know if its missing more weddings, births, birthday parties, and milestones. I don't know if it was celebrating my 8th wedding anniversary knowing 5 of those 8 years have been spent here. I don't know if it is attending the same events each year thinking wow, we are at the API fish fry again! Or perhaps its the fact that we are turning the corner on Sissy's first birthday and again we would celebrate 3 out of our 4 children's first birthdays 1,000 miles away from their grandparents. It sucks.
Nonetheless I am encourage because I am American and because I have never really had a bad day in my life. Yes, I desire to be near my family but really- I am thankful by children aren't being beheaded and we aren't fleeing our homes because of our faith in Jesus Christ. I am thankful my husband has a job and we never go without food.... food of choice really. I am thankful that I live in the day in age where I can speak to my mother everyday, even when I don't have anything to say. I am thankful our parents are still healthy and around. I am very very thankful that we have friends and a church family.
I might have a new obsession with studying WWII and man....we have it so good. We know nothing of a "wartime mentality" rather my generation consumes all we have. I believe our lifestyles are in stark contrast to that of our Great Grandparents. That stark contrast makes me rethink my complaining (even though I realize this entire blog sounds like complaining).
So we cling to hope and trust. Mainly trust because false hope is worthless. We had been hoping to go home soon but Heaven is the only home we can certainly hope for. We HAVE to believe that God is Sovereign and He is in control of our future and current home. At church we sang a popular song this morning and one of the lyrics is "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" by Hillsong United. I can definitely say my trust has borders that need to be erased. For so long I was content being away and I need to get back to that place.
I am thankful because we found out yesterday that Brian will have meetings in Tulsa in October starting one day after Sissy's birthday. I so think God was looking out for me and trying to send me some hope. We might miss most things, but this little girl will be celebrated by family.
So, all that to say life is good but hard sometimes... but certainly not as hard as those who went before us and those who are suffering around the world. Thanks for letting me keep it real.
No comments:
Post a Comment